The other day, I went to the bank, check in hand. I planned to deposit part of it and cash part of it. The teller gave me a deposit slip and the conversation went something like this:

     HER: Fill out (yada, yada)
     ME: (scribble, scribble)
     HER: (she points) Right here, you put (yada, yada).
     ME: (scribble, scribble)
     HER (she points again) And here, you put (yada, yada)
     ME: (scribble, scribble) Thank you.
     HER: (she points yet again) And here ...
     ME: Thank you. (scribble, scribble. I bite my tongue and hand her the slip)

But that is not at all how the conversation played out in my head. In my mind, the conversation went more like this:

     HER: Fill out (yada, yada)

     ME: (scribble, scribble) I think I know my own name. And I can see perfectly well that it says "address, city, state, zip." I think I know those things too.

     HER: (she points) Right here, you put (yada, yada).

     ME: (scribble, scribble) If you'd get your finger out of the way, I could see to write.

     HER (she points again) And here, you put (yada, yada)

     ME: (scribble, scribble) Thank you. If you don't move the finger, lady, I'll poke it with this pen! I've filled out deposit slips since before you were born. What in the world makes you think I can't fill out this one?

     HER: (she points yet again) And here ...

     ME: Thank you. (scribble, scribble) Do you want to keep that finger? You could at least wait for some sign of stupidity before you start treating me like it.
   (I bite my tongue and hand her the slip)

I like to think I'm practicing to be an old lady who can say these things and people think she's being cute. Like Maggie Smith's character on Downton Abbey. Yeah, that's it!